this page you will find:
1. Planning Parenthood Advice
Brief Listing of SF Resources for Pregnant Lesbians
and New Mothers
Brief Bibliography of Current Lesbian and Gay Parenting Books
5. The Other Mothers
Planning Parenthood Advice
by Helen Smith
Are you part of the LGBT community and are considering parenthood? If so, you are not alone. LGBT parenting increased in the 1980s, and by the nineties this phenomena was nicknamed the Gayby Boom. Here is some advice on the beginning stages of parenthood.
Singles vs. Couples
Whether you are single or coupled, you may want figure our how to balance your personal needs and parenting time. Some lesbians have a support network that is willing to baby-sit so the mother(s) can have time alone or with friends. Sometimes single women find it more difficult to raise a child because parental responsibilities are not divided.
Many lesbians, as well as heterosexuals, find that it is beneficial to have strong support networks as parents. The support can come from friends or family members. Some lesbians feel it is helpful to join LGBT parenting groups and organizations because they feel having other LGBT parents as friends is helpful. Your friends who do not have children should understand you will probably not be able to do everything you did before the baby was born. This may sound obvious, but some friends may feel like you are rejecting them and expect you to do the same things you did before you became a parent.
Consider how a baby will impact the relationship with your partner, or if you are single, how it could affect your dating. Some lesbians find that their sexual intimacy decreases once a baby arrives. You may want to talk about this possibility before the baby arrives if you think it would cause any problems.
Lesbians are expanding the meaning of family. Lesbians have
created more family structures than the two-lesbians and a
baby, or the
single lesbian with children models. For example, often two
couples join together to have a child, like two lesbian couples.
the “family” would consist of four parental figures.
In addition, a single mother could pair with a gay man to have
a child. Both could share parental rights, and have equal time
with the child(ren). There are other types of family structures,
if you can think of a possibility, it probably exists.
For example, you may want to create a way you can spend time with your acquaintances and family with and/or without your child. In addition, you may want to determine how your work schedule and daycare work together.
If you have insurance you should review your plan. Also learn
what is covered and the policy costs to have your child added
to your or your partners’ insurance.
A Brief Listing of SF Resources for Pregnant Lesbians and
by Cheryl Deaner
Prepared for: UCSF Great Expectations Pregnancy Programs
Compiled by: Cheryl Deaner, MS, Licensed Marriage & Family
415 282 2200 (or) Cheryl@cheryldeaner.com
• Our Family Coalition 415 981 1960
Umbrella organization for Bay area lesbian, gay, bisexual
and transgendered (LGBT), parents and prospective parents.
Support, information, activities, www.ourfamily.org
Considering Parenthood/Pregnant Lesbians 415 282 2200
6 week group for considering and pregnant lesbians. Covers
such topics as:
Time, money, support systems, legal concerns, family concerns.
and Papas mamaspapas.blogspot.com
group for LGBT parents - open to prospective
parents. Meets every other Saturday morning at SF LGBT Center,
1800 Octavia. Free infant and childcare.
Center for Lesbian Rights 415 392 6257
Legal information and advocacy for Lesbians. Parenting forms,
attorney referrals, latest information about lesbian family
of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere, (COLAGE) 415 861 5437
Programming and advocacy for children growing up in LGBT
households and information for parents about raising healthy
Partnership Registry, San Francisco 415 554 4950
Domestic Partnership Registry 916 653 4984*
(*Secretary of State’s phone number, you will be
transferred from there)
Building 415 431 1180
community organizations plus information and referrals
Different Light Bookstore 415 431 0891
Books, publications, LGBT parenting section, special orders
- Equality California 415 581 0555
Organization promoting the equal treatment of all families
Deaner, MS, LMFT• Individuals • Couples • Families • Children •
415 282 2200
A Brief Bibliography of Current Lesbian and Gay Parenting Books
by Cheryl Deaner
Clunis, D. Marilee and Green, G Dorsey. The Lesbian Parenting
Book: A guide
to Creating Families and Raising Children. Seal Press, 1995
Galluccio, Jon and Michael. An
American Family. St. Martin
Glazer, Deborah and Drescher, Jack. Gay
and Lesbian Parenting.
Jesse. The Velveteen Father - an Unexpected
Journey into Parenthood. Ballentine Books, 1999
Aizley. Buying Dad: One Woman’s Search for
the Perfect Sperm Donor. Alyson Press, 2004
Suzanne and O’Connor, Elizabeth. For Lesbian
Parents. The Guilford Press, 2000
Martin, April. The
Lesbian and Gay Parenting Handbook. Harper
Pepper, Rachael. The
Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians.
Pies, Cheri. Considering
Parenthood: A Workbook for Lesbians. Spinsters
Ink, 1985 (good and still in print!)
Savage, Dan. The
Kid. A Plume Book, 1999
Toevs, Kim and Brill, Stephanie. The Essential Guide to
Pregnancy and Birth. Alyson Books, NY 2002
Wells, Jess, Ed. Home
Fronts, Controversies in Nontraditional Parenting.
Alyson Books, 2000
Stepfamilies, An Ethnography of Love. Harrington
Park Press, an imprint of The Haworth Press, 1998
Deaner, MS, LMFT
4333 California Street
San Francisco, CA 94118
415 282 2200
Alternative Insemination Basics
by Cheryl Deaner
Insemination services are readily available for lesbians
in the San Francisco Bay area. A good place for you to start
is with a consultation with local, lesbian-friendly sperm
bank. Since you will probably have many questions, and because
the required medical steps toward insemination are often
provided by different health care facilities, a consultation
will help you to clarify the process and to figure out the
most beneficial and cost-effective way for you or your partner/co-parent
to become pregnant.
There are three basic types of donors:
Donors: these are donors who have agreed to become
known to your child under certain circumstances, such as
when your child turns 18 or if he or the child contract a
life-threatening illness before the age of 18.
Known Donors: also known as directed donors,
this donor is someone with whom you have personal knowledge
of and/or a relationship with before the insemination takes
Donors: These are donors are not willing to be known
to you or to your child under any circumstance. Some sperm
banks have discontinued the use of unknown donors.
you use a doctor or sperm bank to conduct a donor insemination,
this usually precludes your donor
from becoming a legal parent
to your child. However, that does not preclude a donor from
suing for paternity at a later date, should he become aware
of your child’s existence. Especially if you are considering
using a personally known donor, consult a lesbian-friendly
family law attorney. If you do not know of an appropriate
attorney, call the National Center for Lesbian Rights, (NCLR)
for a referral at: 415/392 6257 or visit them on the web
that sperm can be shipped almost anywhere in the world
on dry ice and can be used for home insemination,
intrauterine inseminations at a sperm bank or other health
providers’ office can reduce the average number of
inseminations needed to produce a pregnancy.
a woman’s fertility begins
to decline rapidly at or a few years before age 35. If
you are in your mid-thirties,
do not postpone booking a consultation for insemination services
as medical tests and questioning may uncover health issues
that could substantially delay or complicate your ability
to become pregnant.
For insemination resources, such as sperm banks or considering
parenthood groups, contact Our Family Coalition at 415/981 1960 or: www.Ourfamily.org.
Cheryl Deaner, MS, LMFT #36764
415 282 2200 or Cheryl@cheryldeaner.com
The Other Mothers
We're a group of queer women in the SF Bay Area who are the non-bio Mommy/Mama/Mother of a child (or soon to be child!).
We're looking for folks whose partners are pregnant or who are already the parent of a non-bio child who want to develop a support network with similar families. Right now we're doing monthly evening meetings in the East Bay. Want to join us? Drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll get you the time and location!